


i just wanted you to know...

by paceslikeaghost8



Category: Haikyuu!!, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Exile, Fluff, Folklore, Gen, HQ SWIFT WEEK 2020, HQSWIFTWEEK, HQSwiftWeek2020, Letter, M/M, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Multi, Timeskip, Timeskip Haikyuu!!, iwaoi - Freeform, platonic perhaps, romance gets me emotional so it's whatever ya wanna imagine tried making it bendable, this is me trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26532502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paceslikeaghost8/pseuds/paceslikeaghost8
Summary: heyyyyy, first time posting on AO3.It's a letter from oikawa to iwaizumi during 2015-2016.Spoilers ahead and Kuroo makes a friendly cameo, kuroo x oikawa best bros.WORD COUNT- 1620.the work is heavily based ontaylor swift- this is me trying.taylor swift ft bon iver- exile.hope you enjoy <3 !!
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 11





	i just wanted you to know...

Dear Iwachan,

The pain inside was excruciating as I counted the things that I didn’t do, that I couldn’t do because simply, sometimes, you just can’t have all you want. Sometimes, all you subconsciously want is ahead of you and it is something you’re unaware of. My name plastered on the screen of an interview where it’s finally announced, we’re going to Tokyo. Only if. Only if. I’m still so young, attempting to adjust in this new world around me. New nation, new city, new streets, new cuisines and new skies. I missed my own home in the mountains but there I was in a foreign place trying to accommodate. Although this was my wish, there’s always a bitter space in me.

I have only gotten into this new world, by myself and I did have a friend. A guide. Coach Jose Blanco. He told me exactly what I needed to hear years ago and I’ll replay it forever. I shouldn’t give up until I’ve given it my all. Maybe I’ll stay slightly unsatisfied because the moment satisfaction fills my heart and the faster it happens, where will I go? This is all I have and once I give up, simply nothing will bring me back to this universe. Nationals was something I ruthlessly fought for, with myself and against the inferiority I held for years. I should have realized that it wasn’t about defeating an ace who was unbeatable but somehow beatable by a new spontaneous flock of crows; it was also about defeating the pointful, hurtful and crippling pain that I had carried for eight years.

If my wishes came true and I had the Nationals, maybe my drive and hunger for wanting to be on court for longer would have faded. If not faded, watered down. If not watered down, simply whatever I have going now wouldn’t have happened and I am so glad for it. Sometimes you lose something over and over and once you admit defeat, you see the advantages that follow and finally, you understand to forgive yourself because some things are not meant for you. They’re not good for you and won’t give you anything to grow from.

How shiny my knees were, only if my soul matched it. Even my “bad knee” was trying to be good, just like myself. Most of the time I covered it with a white pad, now it has healed. But I’m trying to heal… it’s only been a couple of years that I’ve been in Argentina. I grew fond of the food… the havanettes especially and I even found a perfect bakery that makes tasty milk bread. But nothing quite like the one in Miyagi near Kindaichi’s home, maybe I should go there soon. I find myself alone in one of the suites of the Park Hyatt Tokyo. Afraid of returning to Miyagi, afraid of seeing my mother because I simply cannot tell her that her son is still not over something he needs to bury. I know the answers, but not enough to stop resenting myself. I learned how to drive in Argentina and now I can see myself in the seats of every driver I can see from my big window. Have you seen the film Lost in Translation? Yeah, just like Scarlett Johansson, I sit by that window and my eyes hover down. I almost forget why I play what I play and that’s all in the past. The mystery is why it still hurts so much. Japan is my home, but it doesn’t feel like a homeland. I wonder if this place ever cared about my presence anyway. I never made it to Nationals and I never made it to any special camps either.

Not that I’ve been a regular to Tokyo, but I don’t think I understand the glittering pieces of cars down below. I might never. But I had to come back home to see my family and friends because every time I visit, Takeru is just a little bit taller. My parents also seem happier but little do they know that their source of happiness is rather drowning in sadness. I could have followed my fears into staying back in Miyagi and becoming anything but a volleyball player. My instincts and technique were always better than whatever talent I had anyways. At least that’s what I believed but what can I say? Well, I can say a lot. I do have talent, I’d never come this far if I didn’t. Here I am, about to knock on Miyagi’s door.

The other day, I was sitting at the bar in the hotel and I thought I saw Taylor Swift leaving the very same place. Me. Taylor. Same bar. Potential friendship. But what was I to do then? She was probably having a sweet piece of privacy just as I was from all of my Argentine fans. Don’t get annoyed, Hajime. I am dead serious, I have fans. But not in Tokyo, not in Tokyo. I sat facing the bartender and he asked me if I wanted anything. Staring at the environment, I desired the dark ceilings and the glow from the few decorative light bulbs illuminating it. Someone poked my forearm, which I thought was rather odd but I looked to my right to see a man with very disheveled hair. I ought to recommend him a conditioner if I see him in the hotel again. His name was Kuroo Tetsurou and he knows the shrimpy. There was nothing more I wanted to do than throw up at the idea of him bringing up Tobio.

Thankfully, he didn’t. I hate reliving that memory, I hate the view of being on the ground as I look up to Tobio’s eyes. Just as I hate the moment when I almost hit him. To be honest, I hate him less than I hate myself. Now you can imagine just how deep rooted my apathy is towards myself. I don’t know what happened and why, but I let this man know everything about whatever happened those years back. I can visually see Tobio standing, his entire team, in awe and shock of their gain. But somehow, I don’t regret losing at all. This island was my town. However, to this newfound friend that I had made as I sipped on virgin pina colada, I mentioned how I felt like a foreigner in his own land. Did I exile myself? I’m still trapped, I can’t let go. How do I contain a potential that is threatening to sink? What if I am outside of the ship I call my potential, but I have left a part of my soul inside the ship? I can no longer get it, can I? I told him everything.

My progress, my desires must have seemed so hungry. I realized that I have grown up the moment I apologized for how deeply narcissistic I must have sounded. I even had the audacity to verbalize how I have fallen behind Tobio and Ushijima as they got ready for the 2016 Olympics. He snickered simply; telling me that it was not narcissism. He identified it as a case of inferiority complex and simple insecurity. Then he proceeded to say how he was not a certified therapist, only a guy interning in the PR team of the Japan Volleyball Association. He told me his hardship about why he stopped playing Volleyball full time. We’re glad we poured out the thoughts of our hearts to each other. My health is a top priority, thus telling my sob story to a stranger that I tell everyone I think I want to be friends with, was something much better than drinking whiskey alone. An inch of my skin itches at the thought of him telling that dense Ushiwaka but I doubt he would. He reminds me of cats. Cats are loyal, at least lions are.

I’m trying, Iwa-chan.

Please believe me, sometimes I feel it slipping from my sweaty hands but we have lines on our palms for friction. But I try and attempt and I aim to not fail.

The ground is untouched for me. Forever will be. I just wish you weren’t in California right now. I don’t want to bring dishonour to my injury by giving up. I gave myself so many chances. First to second to third to fourth, twelve times. I tried to defeat Ushiwaka twelve times. Especially with you by my side. Only the beasts can challenge Superman and win, maybe not today or tomorrow or perhaps years later. I didn’t like the ending the last time, maybe the next film will be better, no? Ushiwaka still sends me emails; for Christmas and another for New Year’s. He does this every year and responds to every snide remark I send back. He’s not my problem, yet he’s defending himself. One day he called me and went on about how thin the bridge between us was. It made me remember back when he told me that I didn’t take his warning signs to join an overpriced prep school, that I should have heard him out.

But my teammates in school are people I wouldn’t trade time for. Also, the emo grey haired setter would have gone ham at their monstrous ace. On a random note; I can’t wait for my trip to Brazil next. Anyways, I don’t want to dishonour my injury or you. You’ve been there through thick and thin. You’re the one I’ll come to and maybe you’ll barf at the loving sentiments but I’m gracing you with it. It’s safer to be my friend than my opponent. However, if you are my opponent; bring it on.

Love,

Prettykawa.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! give me feedback if you want to.


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